Ambivalence During Pregnancy: Navigating the Unspoken
Ambivalence during pregnancy, a state of having mixed feelings about the impending arrival of one’s baby, is a common yet seldom discussed phenomenon. This silence fosters a sense of isolation, shame, and fear, leading many to wonder, “What is wrong with me?” The answer: nothing! Feelings of ambivalence during pregnancy are completely normal.
The Reality of Ambivalence: It’s Normal
“Ambivalence” is a state related to having mixed feelings about something. It can look like excitement about the baby during pregnancy while also dreading pregnancy and motherhood. You might want to have a connection to the baby but not feel a strong attachment to it yet. You might feel love for the baby while resenting its presence in your body. According to a 2018 study, over a quarter of women in the United States expressed ambivalence about their last pregnancy. Many women stay silent because ambivalence is a sensitive topic to discuss with others.
Understanding the Roots of Ambivalence in the First Trimester
The baby growing inside you begins as an abstraction and grows into a real-life presence over time. For the first few months of pregnancy, you are experiencing the baby as just that: an abstraction. The only tangible evidence of its presence is how it impacts your body:
- Emotional swings
- Bloating
- Fatigue
- Nausea
Additionally, you are facing a long journey ahead as you anticipate getting deeper into the pregnancy, giving birth, and being a mother to an infant. You might be grieving a certain lifestyle that you are now leaving behind as a result of the pregnancy. You might be asking yourself, “How will I do this?” Many moms-to-be experience physical discomfort and emotional uncertainty during the first trimester of pregnancy.
Key Milestones of Physical and Emotional Transition
You will feel differently as your body and mind adjust to the pregnancy, and the baby becomes more of a real-life presence. You might feel differently when you experience the following:
- Hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
- Seeing imaging of the developed baby.
- Feeling fetal movement.
Coping Strategies and Reassessing Expectations
Try your best to refocus your attention on caring for your own feelings of anxiety, grief, and discomfort. Also, allow yourself some patience as you process these feelings during the first trimester. You are undergoing a major transition both physically and emotionally—experiencing many conflicting emotions as you confront such a change is normal.
The Cultural Myth of Instant Love: Breaking Down the Binary
One thing to pay attention to during pregnancy is how you internalize the stories you have been told by culture and society. So often, we hear the narrative of the perfect mother as one who immediately falls in love with her baby and regards it with nothing but care and admiration. We must challenge these narratives to allow room for diversity of experience. You are not broken if you don’t immediately fall in love with your baby. Sometimes, love for your baby, as with most other relationships, grows over time. Just as you grow to love your spouse, for example, give yourself permission to let your relationship with your baby grow.